Saturday, 28 August 2010

whatcha thinkin'? huh? HUH?

Today's issue of DNA After Hours had a teeny article - '10 thoughts we have every single day'. None of these has ever occurred to me.

1. Work should start later in the day.
Why? So it gets over even later?

2. Why is office coffee so bad yet so addictive?
Obviously because your taste buds have failed you.

3. Today I will diet.
Oh puh-leez. Nobody EVER says today. People live for today.

4. Why do they put round pizzas in square boxes?
So you can't toss 'em like frisbees.

5. My boss hates me and it's probably a personal vendetta and nothing to do with how much time I spend surfing the internet instead of working.
Ya think?

6. Why does my mum think that when I say 'bye' I'm actually saying 'talk more about unimportant things?'
Must be 'coz your brain has failed you too.

7. I wonder what Pune would be like without any traffic.
Then it wouldn't be Pune now would it?

8. Work should end earlier in the day.
First bright thought you've had all day.

9. Why isn't there ever anything good to watch on TV?
Coz you're too thick to think of reallocating the money you spend on cable to a top notch internet connection with unlimited downloading.

10. I shouldn't have had so much coffee today.
Probably. It doesn't seem to have done much for you.

Seriously? Is this what people think of EVERY SINGLE DAY?? Jesus!!

Two things that should have been topmost on that ridiculous list are so blatantly obvious, I can't believe the author didn't include them.

Wondering if:
- anyone called/messaged while you were getting some shut eye,
- you got any notifications on Facebook.

Tell me atleast 98% of the urban world doesn't think that and I'd say you were full of.. well you know. If you don't have a Facebook account, you're not part of the urban world anyway so you don't count.

Anyways, I gave it a thunk. What thoughts do I have every single day that others may or may not share besides the two just mentioned?

1. Why must every idiot on earth call on the landline or ring the doorbell on the same day and keep me from sleeping in peace?

2. I've already completed my mba you moron so quit sending me messages about your stupid masters' programs!

3. It's so pleasant and green out.. gonna miss the view.

4. Why won't those blasted pigeons find somebody else's balcony to excrete in! Darn them all to heck!

5. I wish every rick in Pune that tried to con some innocent law abiding citizen or tried to got slapped with a whopping big fine one morning by the RTO or the traffic police.

6. What shall I watch today? Anime? Movie? Documentary?

7. When will my blog exceed the set degrees of fabulousness and get me a follower I don't know?

8. Love love LOVE this wi fi connection.

9. I should so blog about that! Dayam, have I got it bad.

10. I must be cutting myself in my sleep 'coz I have no memory of how I got that o_O

Sooo.. Yeah, I think that's about all the redundant thoughts I have.

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

for those who've forgotten..

When was the last time you

slid down a slight inclined plane with a 'wheeeee!'?
didn't run for cover when it poured and just held your face up letting the raindrops caress your face?
danced when you heard your favourite song no matter the place?
ate watermelon straight to the rind?
balanced on a tilted sewer lid pretending you were skateboarding?
heard the satisfying *crunch* of dried up leaves as you stepped on them?
took in deep whiffs of the delicious aroma that emanates from when rain becomes one with scorched earth?
didn't take calls on your cellphone while having a conversation with a friend or a family member?
intentionally wore outrageously coloured footwear(think orange!) on a very sober outfit?
did an all nighter playing board games?
didn't worry about what disease you might pick up post mosquito bite and just let off steam calling it a lesbian or a horny bugger?
drank freshly squeezed orange juice?
spent a day not worrying/complaining/thinking about money?
let the wind ruffle your hair without getting mad about it?
ran for the heck of it? (a treadmill doesn't count)
didn't do a mental calorie count while scrutinizing a restaurant menu and just ordered and gorged 'coz you could?
sang in the shower without fretting over getting to work on time?
basked in the moonlight?
let the wild demon within loose not caring what people thought of you?

Fun doesn't always have to be paid for. Don't allow societal norms to BE the norm. Relearn how to take pleasure in the small things in life; don't allow your job to take over your life. Let your demon loose!* :D

*sing the exclamatory remark to the tune of 'Let My People Go' xD

Monday, 23 August 2010

dead peasants society

So I just watched Capitalism: A Love Story. A real shocker.

Ever come across the term 'Dead Peasants Insurance' (if you haven't watched Capitalism that is)? It's an insurance scheme in America where a company(many of them blue chip - P&G, Citibank, Disney, Walmart, Nestle, Bank of America are just some examples) secretly takes out a life insurance policy on an employee who is unaware of the same, 'conveniently' naming the company as the beneficiary in the event of the employee's death. And not even one of the top level management, in which case it would be understandable although not entirely inexcusable, given the cost of training a person to work effectively in a managerial position. This scheme would even cover, say, a salesperson at Walmart. So if he/she dies due to a critical illness, the family has to pay for astronomical medical expenses while the company makes a tidy profit. And the employee in their lifetime never even knew about it, forget giving their consent to it!

Get this: The company is entitled to receive the cash even if the employee was fired. TAX FREE death benefits. The family, of course, gets nothing.

What is the money used for? Incentives and retirement benefits for top level executives. So basically, the company is better off if the employee is dead. And it seems women are valued more as their longevity is more than that of men, resulting in more benefits. For the company that is.

How can the insurance companies not even examine the employees' medical reports before agreeing to this? Probably because 20% of all annual life insurance is comprised of COLI - corporate owned life insurance.

Walmart supposedly, as stated in the end credits of the film, doesn't take out this insurance anymore. That's just one corporate giant less.

Were you stunned when you read Disney's name in the list? You'd think a company that gave you so much entertainment coupled with moral messages (the more blatant ones) while you were growing up would live by the code it sends out. There was the ever present message in every classic - that good always triumphs over evil. You really expect a multi billion dollar corporation to live by the ideals it propagates? You naive thing.

Why would a company that announces well over a billion dollars of profit fall so despicably low for a few measly million? How much is ever enough? What's the point of all that money, it can't buy you self respect!

And how.. HOW the hell is this even legal?!?

On top of that, these people have the audacity to give it the name that they do. Dead Peasants?? Really??

Would corporations go as far as to bump off their insured employees? Perhaps that's stretching it a little. Companies have made complaints(internally of course) that the number of employees dying are not meeting expectations. But anyway you can't really get rid of thousands of employees unless you did a Nazi and locked them in a gas chamber, and then the legal system would be compelled to make known its existence. So they'll just bide their time hiding behind whatever loophole they've found, until the poor buggers eventually kick the bucket. And that's when the easy millions roll in.

Wonder if anything like this goes on in corporate India? Wouldn't put it past them. They're no angels here either.

it's raining.. men??

You can't be an Indian and not spell monsoon right. It's downright unpatriotic!

Pic: A flyer for a boutique that recently opened here.

Friday, 13 August 2010

dispelling myths about Ramadan

No, fasting is not difficult and we're not going to die.

We don't feel bad if you eat in front of us. There are usually mouth watering delicacies waiting for us to devour.

Of course, at times we do feel hungry. Self control is kinda the point. But after years of fasting the body is accustomed to it.

Self control, however, doesn't include only hunger, but also anger, practice of patience and abstinence. Thoughts should be pure, smoking is out of the question and language should not be tainted with swear words. For some, this is more challenging than keeping away from food.

Tiredness during the day can be attributed more to lack of sleep from praying the night before, rather than that of food.

Fasting is not harmful to your health. The over-indulgence that comes later is.

Stop expecting one to pass out any moment. They're not going to unless they're ailing, in which case they're excused from fasting anyway.

You're also excused if you're travelling.

You won't go to hell if you accidentally ate something.

Usually, a hell lot more weight is put on than lost.

One is supposed to go past the pangs of hunger and earthly desires and instead concentrate on bringing oneself closer to God. Fasting enables one to relate to the lesser privileged, creating more room for compassion.

In most Gulf countries, there's a rule enforced in this month that doesn't allow eating in public. It's a rule of the land, not the religion.

Just 'coz the fast is opened at sundown, doesn't entitle one to party the rest of the night.

In the Gulf, the general greeting on the onset of this month is 'Ramadan Kareem' which literally means 'Ramadan is generous' as it is a month that encourages charity and feeding and helping your fellow Man. The response to this is 'Allahu Akram', meaning 'God is even more generous.'

In the Gulf, the best time to test your new ride or to speed would be the hour or so elapsing after dusk. Not a cop in sight! ;)

dedicated to the soon to be 24 year old half Iranian.

Memories flash. Not necessarily in order.

The relief and joy of meeting someone who speaks my language.

That day we watched three heavy films back to back during the PIFF including that weird Finnish(was it?) one we couldn't understand the point of.

Sitting in your society garden or that day in Jogger's Park, gossiping about the debauchery of people I have never met or even knew existed before you mentioned them. So much fun xD

The numerous offerings of Fa deos I got to sample coz of you :P

The ease of correspondence when I was in q8 through a blessed medium by name of Facebook. Logging in and always expecting my inbox to be one msg fuller when I was there and never getting disappointed.

Popping by E-square after Dhruv to catch Cafe Settareh(I think?) and walking into that damn weird everlastingly long movie where that guy/girl kisses that dead guy/chick and he/she comes to life??

That iftaari where we got complimentary fruits! Yea yea sooo sweet of them.

Admonishing you for always answering with a lifeless 'Hello?' giving the impression that you're too shortsighted to see the caller id.

Our fabulous business plan that gonna set the world on faiyaaa!! ;)

Having Iranian roots in common :)

Always, always being able to rely on your wallet to get me out of a financial crunch.

Shopping excursions on MG Road. Funny, I can't recall ever buying anything.. except that piece of cotton for a kurta which turned out to be a complete disaster.

Cultivating and embellishing our conversations with newly learnt business jargon ;)

Struggling to drape that miserable sari and surrendering myself to you and your mom with usually just ten minutes to spare to wherever needs to be going to.

Turning to you whenever I needed help editing something, knowing your touches and
suggestions would render it fabulous.

Whispering conspicuously about Iranian guys when Iranian guys would happen to pass by ;)

Indulging at your favourite restaurant in East Street.. just twice! Financial and taste constraints making it difficult to visit more often.

ALWAYS exasperatedly having to hear your cribbing about walking up to the library even if we're on the same floor.

Automatically coming to the inevitable conclusion whenever we spotted a strange species of Man. 'He's Iranian!'

Studying/discussing/complaining about accounts, sqm, mis and of course transfer pricing that had us so agitated and all for no reason.

Acing French, knowing every damn thing in that text and brandishing it in class excitedly :D

Spending the first year sullenly accusing you of spending your weekends only with your other friends and the second year smug and triumphant coz I had replaced them. (If your friends are reading this, hard luck suckers!)

That amazing, hilarious, victorious expression you threw me during the mom exam when you got the paper, assuring me that we didn't study that whopping big answer in vain.

Being there for each other for the grueling mcs lectures.

Your word being the final word on every single restaurant in the city.. except Hard Rock. That's my zone :P

I may have been (alright I was) a lil weird at times and I'm sorry about that.

Truth is life got a little better after we became such firm friends.

And you've taught me a couple of things for which I'm grateful.

That it's ok to forgive.

If you take something up, put your heart (and sometimes your soul) into it.

That it's not beneath a person to be nice to people just for the heck of it.

And that being too nice can make one wonder which planet has this woman come from coz it sure as hell can't be earth.

and yes you're a superstar.

:* (right cheek)
:* (now left)
:* (right again)

and we're done.

Happy Birthday babydoll. May you be blessed with every happiness. I. A. SA. :)

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

getting the wise guys out

My lower jaw is two teeth lighter. Got my wisdom teeth extracted.

Saying it was painful is laughably naive. Since the extras decided not to grow out of my gums normally and to make life miserable for the other inhabitants of my jaw, they had to go. Surgically. Not easy believe you me. The left one was 'sleeping'. The audacity!

I've spent half my life at the dentist's so I have no qualms about getting my teeth fixed. When I was told I was to have a surgery I kinda looked forward to it. I didn't expect pain obviously 'coz of the anesthesia. I pictured my gums being incised. Slowly but surely, the dentist would 'dig' to the root and out would come the bugger..

This is how they extracted teeth in the 17th century (The Tooth extractor - Theodore Rombouts). I assure you nothing much has changed.

The right one came out nice and easy. The left one, on the other hand, was the rebellious teenager refusing to comply. It was then that the ginormous drill made a dramatic entry, the resounding vibrations almost shooting my brain straight out of my skull. It went on for a few minutes, the pain driving me crazy (yes I was under anesthesia, it was still hurting and NO it was not due to the pressure whatever the doc may say) and then the dentist pulled out my tooth and I inwardly heaved a sigh of relief. Correction. A fragment of my tooth. Back to the drill.. another fragment. Another ten minutes pass with me clawing at my palms in pain, the damn thing refusing to budge.. the dentist pulls with all his might and what happens? He loses his grip and the instrument, whatever the hell it was dashes against the roof of my mouth, scraping it and I think I would have toppled off the chair yelling if my tormentors hadn't grabbed my head telling me 'relax, it's nothing..' nothing? NOTHING?!?

Oh the pain! The ah-go-nee! The choicest profanities come to mind but I shalt not pollute the sanctity of my blog, for it is sacred. The medication has yet to take effect; I'm seriously considering taking a double dose. Or an overdose..

As it usually is in these cases, I can have lots of ice cream. So bought a box of chocolate flavoured from Naturals on the way home. When the ice melted all over my jeans I thrust the box against my cheek, the size of which is pretty close to that of the moon. Pity my entire jaw is still numb and I can barely get my mouth open.. I have to slurp it like a two year old resulting in the tablecloth becoming an unsightly mess. And after all that, it has more than a hint of blood in every spoonful.. Ugh!

On a happier note, was finally able to take the sibling for Despicable Me. Hilarious alright, but the climax was astonishingly straight out of your average Bollywood film. Full of lame cliches! Watch it and see if I'm wrong.

One of the girls: 'Wait! We can't sleep without a bedtime story!'
Gru: 'Then it's going to be a long night.'

In your face! xD

I love 'em mean.

Sunday, 8 August 2010


Just when you think you can no longer recall all those memories worth remembering or what it was that actually made them worth it, and you think maybe that mightn't be such a travesty, there comes a day that triggers it all. That reservoir once jogged unleashes a powerful surge of memories making you wonder how the hell could you ever have let yourself forget those awesome times and how complete they made you feel in the first place.

This was the day that triggered it.

Whether it was avoiding dung(buffalo or human who really knows) or trying to push each other into it(and successfully without knowing it), discovering and following a kind of bird that resembled a crow but with more elan, taunting each other, vowing solemnly never to fall in front of particular people and stumbling (twice) in front of those people, laughing at asinine remarks, taking in the breathtaking view from the point we were at, feeling the wind in my face making me feel more alive, mocking the 'leader', the endless arguments (the only one that stands out being the one over UNO rules), finding me a rick (always an irksome experience especially for them) or that conversation making an attempt at the philosophical.. exuberance as B^2 put it, exuded every step of the way.

It made me remember. And realize what I've been missing out on. And that I still care. I really do.

Friday, 6 August 2010

Note to self: keep laptops fully charged on loadshedding days to avoid walking from room to room biting fingertips, racking your brains trying to think of something to do, eyes too tired to read but not enough to sleep.

So Vodafone messaged they had a special offer for me and I had to 'hurry and call 123 for more details.' Bored and the loyal customer that I am, I dialed and waited - 1 for Hindi, 2 for Marathi and then.. silence. What happened to English dude?!? You know, that language you texted me in?? Do you expect your entire customer base existing and potential to comprise of only localites in a cosmopolitan city such as this?

As I am now finally on par with Gossip Girl and needed to get my mind off the hedonistic Chuck Bass, I started Shogun. Apart from the excruciatingly slow first 40 minutes (which was the case with the book as well), the minute Rodrigo-san (bungling ole John Rhys Davies) enters, traipsing about mocking bows to the samurai, concealing insults in English to the 'bloody samas' in his poor Japanese, the entire mood lightens. Still too early to judge; it's a friggin' long series with a single episode lasting a little under 2.5 hours.

Spent the past two evenings with the sibling, wandering about in the inner lanes of KP, throwing admiring glances at the lovely villas, some gardens with lawns manicured while others with unkempt grasses running wild, creeper climbing through the cracks of walls with no restraint. All adding to the character of the place.